Spring awakening

Let’s start with these beautiful words my beloved has found: “Spirituality is the transcendence and transformation of your exclusive identification with the “ego” or separate self sense to identification with True Nature, the Ground of Being, the Self, Pure Consciousness, I Am-ness.”

Something in me feels deeply moved. Whilst my mind starts swirling completely in awe of this brilliant use of language, I notice the thought “What does that actually mean” followed by the realisation that it can’t be thought. And, this is what comes up for me:

Ever since I can remember there’s this sparkling stillness. It’s a feeling of being, fulfilled with emptiness, united with everything. For a long time this state was only experienced when being on my own, until I realised through a very painful but profoundly transformative event some ten years ago, that there’s the potential to fully interact and engage with the world whilst being in every moment just like this. 

Inspired by the imagination of living freely I started experimenting, searching, reading, listening and discussing and found that being vulnerable, self-responsible, honest and real with each other is our potential for literally creating a different world. The quest of realizing the truth of who I really am has become my true passion. I’ve discovered that there’s nothing more important to me than waking up. Being here – really here in every single moment – with whatever is happening in this body, mind and emotions.

These days there seems a quiet riot going on. It feels good and healthy. I’ve discovered that miracle of disconnecting from indulgence in emotions, mind, sensations – simply the story – and just being in the very moment. It’s magical, rather a passive state yet very sparkling and tingling. Nothing that  can be done about it, yet it does take some effort. There’s beauty, gentleness, presence and aliveness. It feels like the struggle of survival has ended. These beautiful moments of total acceptance and connection with everything that is, when time stands still, have become more.

When triggers arise the urge to engage feels less strong. Identification with and attachment to this triggered ego being “me” occur occasionally. The simple acknowledgement of whatever is going on, seems important. There is something very loving and vulnerable in allowing everything just to be there and seen as it is without doing anything about it. Sometimes it feels like the body is torn apart by excruciatingly painful emotions. At the same time, however, there is an ever present awareness of the space in which all of this is happening. This space is peaceful and not disturbed at all.

At times a temptation to go with the story is still overwhelming. I love playing and experimenting with this edge, and the adventure continues.

One Response

Anna says on June 16, 2009 at 11:25 am

Reading this slowed me down. It refreshed, in me, the simplicity of the awakening process. I see how lost I get in wanting ‘change’; wanting to be aware so that I might, or things might, be different. This article has reminded me that ‘acceptance’ is immense and quiet. Thanks V. x