In the past weeks anger has come up quite strongly as a topic in our weekly Sharing Group. With some people it feels very real, present in the moment and relevant to explore deeper. Some others seem to have an invested interest in the power of this emotion, however, they are not genuinely angry in the moment. It seems like there is an idea that takes over the actual experience. The idea looks for anger, digs it up, looks to express it, exaggerates it, all in the name of therapy or tapping into a source of power. But it’s false power. I found myself relating to some of what was shared yet I noticed that in me anger was not happening. When things got hot in the room, some thoughts about whether this was our maximum potential were running through my head. To me “making anger” is not what we are coming together for. As I see it we come together to share whatever is really there in the moment, to be who we are, just as we are, without manipulation. So, for me that evening was a great opportunity to stay present and just let everything be. My heart was glowing. I felt a lot of love, for myself and everybody in the group. Yes, and I did share where I was with it too.
Just as I was finished writing this little paragraph above this email from Paul arrived in my inbox. Accurate as it can be.
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This is not an easy one for me to describe. I have never been aware of having belligerent anger at anyone or anything – but I sure used to have anger – lots of it. ‘It just happened.’ I felt controlled by it. I didn’t ask for it, didn’t want it, and I felt helpless about it.
That is when I started to investigate human behaviour – including my own. And found out that – anger is all about wanting things the way we want them.
‘Conquering’ my anger became my main aim in life – priority over everything. I worked on it every way I knew, lots and lots of ways – all over the world. Took a while – and one day it was gone. Almost completely. So after that, every new level of awareness was a pure bonus.
Being part of our primitive defence system it is natural that we have anger – as defence. But when it takes us over, and runs our life – time to investigate – to see if there is an alternative way to live.
Good news – there is an alternative.
Bad news – have to start to take responsibility for ourselves.
In our early childhood we are totally self-centred. Totally. It is as if we are the the centre of the universe, and the only one that counts. Everyone and everything else is just there to serve us. Then the wake-up.
Or not. Most people never seem to get that almost everyone else is only interested in getting their way as well. So most people want their way, when they want it, and how they want it. Check it out – seem familiar? It’s called: War. International war; political war; corporate war; religious war; family war; interpersonal war; personal war. And, without us realising it, there is an alternative way to live life.
Talking about war. It is on lots of levels. Whenever you do something to someone that they do not want, it is a form of war. (…)
I have a feeling that everyone will work everything out for themselves – sooner, or (much) later. And in the meantime, they are not happy.
I love seeing people happy. I love happiness. I love to seeing people happy together. I love together happiness.
Although I have a deep feeling that everything is perfect in every moment, my feeling to assist people to see their behaviour more clearly – so they don’t have to be so unhappy, is also perfect. Everything is perfect, and, it can always be more perfect.
So it is true that everyone will work out everything for themselves – and I remember all the many people who have been mentors and examples for me. I feel so much love and gratitude to them. And it is not just the intentional ones. I have learnt from almost everyone, and every event. Even from the people who thought they were against me.
Many psychics have told me that I will ‘invent’ a totally new and very effective approach to awakening. The only thing I can think of is so, so simple – and not new at all: Be Here Now. Unconditionally, without attempting to change anything: watch your every action, listen to every word you say, be aware of every thought. Simple! Has to be your absolute unconditional priory though.
Happy awerenessing…
Ryan
Spencer
Clare
jennybe
LeAnn
lovingtruth
Devesh
Jamie
The Buddha described anger as like putting your hand in a fire to pick up a burning coal to throw at someone – guaranteed to be very painful to yourself and not guaranteed to harm your adversary. Anger is bad, childish, selfish and self harming but is also exposing, uncontrolled, powerful, energetic and excoriating.
Pretending that you are above anger is bad, childish, selfish and self harming but is also dishonest, controlled, devious and counter productive.
Anger is something none of us want but all of us have (excepting the handful of fully enlightened humans that exist at any one time) and disowning it or filing it away as inappropriate or not spiritual is like spraying perfume on shit. It is not a good look, being angry and showing your fangs, and we all want to look good, especially in the eyes of ‘others’.
It is not all bad news though. Anger, when truly contacted and allowed, is never static and usually leads us deeper to the real problem. It is the last line of our defence and once that has gone we are relieved and open.
Just watch someone you love having an outburst, without judgement. Once they have expressed their rage they will probably be sobbing and soft and vulnerable and contrite and so loveable.
Personally I do not trust people who remain aloof from anger because it means they are controlling themselves, and all this means is that they have swallowed the burning coal (plus some shit and some perfume).
The loving space of a sharing group is the perfect safe and aware and strong environment for experiencing and moving through the anger that arises in and through us. This is not to propose war and indiscriminate rants and raves, that would not be appropriate and these groups are too mature for that anyway. Circles do resolve conflicts naturally and this process can really be helped by honestly admitting what or who is pissing us off in the moment and why.
To do that is brave and loving and makes a lot of energy available to the group that, once released, will work its magic by itself.